A Game of Tag Only Exists Because Everyone Agrees to Play

If you think back to childhood, there was always one moment that could change the entire game. Someone would sprint across the playground, reach out, tap another child, and yell, "You're it!"

Sometimes that single touch sent a dozen children running in every direction. The game had begun. Other times, the child who had just been tagged didn't run at all.

"I wasn't playing."

No argument. No negotiation. Just a quiet refusal to enter the game.

As children, we accepted this without much thought. You couldn't force someone to play tag. You couldn't convince them by chasing harder or insisting they were "it." The game only worked when people willingly stepped into it.

Looking back, it's a surprisingly profound lesson in human behavior and community engagement.

We often assume that participation is created through persuasion. If we explain ourselves more clearly, advertise more broadly, invite more often, or make a louder case for why people should care, surely more people will join.

But that isn't how people work.

People rarely participate because they are convinced. They participate because something awakened a desire that was already there.

The organizations that struggle to grow often ask, "How do we get more people to notice us?"

The organizations that thrive ask a very different question: "What are we creating that people naturally want to be part of?"

Those questions may sound similar, but they lead to entirely different strategies.

One focuses on increasing visibility. The other focuses on increasing value.

While one spends their energy trying to persuade people to care, the other spends theirs creating experiences worth caring about.

This is especially important for Jewish organizations to understand because attention is never the same as belonging.

A crowded social media post isn't necessarily building community. Neither is a full email list nor an event with impressive attendance. Those things measure who saw your message.

They tell you very little about who found something meaningful enough to return, invite a friend, or make it part of their identity.

The communities that continue to grow year after year almost always have one thing in common. They invite others because they feel so connected and alive; they want everyone to know about it. 

That's the difference between promotion and belonging, and the lesson hidden inside a childhood game we haven't thought about in decades.

A game of tag only exists because everyone agrees to play.

Community isn't built by convincing people to join. It's built by creating something they want to belong to.

Designed 2 Matter

One of the biggest misconceptions in community building is believing that visibility creates belonging. We know it doesn’t.

Just like the game of tag, mass-tagging people on a digital flyer isn’t a strategy—it’s noise.

If you want to stop chasing attention and start building true belonging, the shift starts tomorrow morning with one question.

Stop asking: "What program can I create to fill this room?" Start asking: "Why should this matter to the exact person I am inviting?"

The First Step: Build Your Ambassadors.

You cannot articulate the invisible for your community until you see the community through their lens.

1. Stop guessing, start listening. Invite your people into the thought leadership. Ask them directly what actually matters to them—and more importantly, what doesn't.

2. Pass the microphone. Real growth doesn't happen when you yell louder from the stage. It happens when you build a team of authentic ambassadors who can articulate your value in ways that resonate uniquely with them.

3. Reflect, don't project. Your marketing shouldn't reflect your institutional goals; it needs to reflect the living, breathing people inside the room.

People don’t become part of a community because they saw a post. They join because they experienced something worth returning to and worth inviting others into.

Stop marketing the logistics. Start building the core community that will help you make it matter.